Today has been a mostly wasted day at work. Mostly because the thing I need to do most–tell people they’re not going to get a job with us this year–is not the kind of thing you want to do on Valentine’s Day. Well, I’m not that big of a bitch, anyway. Also, there was the worst phone interview ever, where I still swear that the woman who filled out the application and the woman who answered the phone are not the same person. There is just no way. Afterward, I kept going, maybe we should call her references for more information!* Maybe we should call her back!! This can’t be happening!!! Basically, I was expecting a total ROCK STAR, and got William Hung. No, William Hung had personality. Sigh.

The worst part about that interview, though, was the fact that it made my entire department miss the February Birthday party.** It was a fondue party, which, because there were plenty of leftovers, we got to enjoy. However, there was some kind of mythically amazing cheese fondue that got eaten up before we got there. Mmm, gooey deliciousness. Of course, being the graceful and couth girl I am, I dropped chocolate fondue all down the front of my sweater on the first bite. I keep Shout Wipes in my desk drawer specifically for this reason. However, here’s the thing I didn’t know about Shout Wipes until today… While the get the stain out really well, they don’t get the scent out. So, hours later, I’m sitting at my desk getting nauseated at the smell of chocolate. Now I understand why most cocoa farmers in Ghana have never eaten chocolate.***

Anyway, since I spent the last 15 minutes staring out my office window****, I figured I’d just go ahead and post from work.

I’ve never***** been that big a fan of Valentine’s Day. I don’t despise it, as some do, but I don’t really care about it. I’ve broken up with guys in early February just to avoid celebrating it. I’ve had a couple relationships start just after (February 15th and 17th to be exact). I just don’t think it’s that big a deal, and I’d love to ignore it, if anyone would let me.

Like for instance today, when one of our temps, who has been sucking up to me lately****** asked me if I have any big plans for tonight. I said, “Basketball tonight–that’s always big plans!” and just kept walking. He responded with, “AWW, that’s just sad!” Which almost made me explode, but I took a deep breath and said, “Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m not sad. I love basketball.” He started backpedalling, saying, “Oh, I was just saying that there’s something wrong with the world when I a girl like you doesn’t have a date on Valentine’s Day.” Gag me.

Anyway, I thought I’d share 2 funny Valentine’s Day stories…  One about people in love, and the other about bitter people.

Funny Story #1:
When I was in grad school in Texas, I also worked as a live-in staff member in an all-female freshman residence hall.  I ended up getting assigned to be on duty on VD night because I was the only person on our side of campus who was not in a serious relationship.  So, I was sitting alone in my apartment, doing homework, and praying that the pager wouldn’t go off.  Suddenly, I heard a knock at my door.  It was odd, because I wasn’t expecting anyone.  All of a sudden, I had visions of my crush showing up with flowers to spend the evening with me.  (How would he get in to the secure building?  Well I didn’t have time to think about that.)  I opened the door, and a making-out couple nearly fell into my apartment!  Apparently, they weren’t knocking on my door, they were just humping!  They didn’t even detach themselves, but the guy mumbled “Sorry” (I think) and they just rolled themselves down the wall, away from my apartment.  EEEEWWWWWWW.  Still, good for a laugh.

Funny Story #2
Freshman year, I dated this guy we’ll call J.  (We’ll call him J because all the guys I’ve dated since high school have a first name that starts with J.  It’s kinda starting to bother me, actually.)  We dated for most of fall semester, until just before Thanksgiving, when he broke up with me on the off chance that he could hook up with his high school girlfriend while home for the holidays.  (Hey, at least he was honest.)  We ended up getting back together in mid-December, but in the meantime, I had started hanging out with a big crew of guys from another dorm.  (For the record, I remained friends with these guys all the way through graduation, and even a few years after.)  Getting back together with my lame boyfriend didn’t really fit into my new social life of playing hearts until 2am every night and sledding on cafeteria trays behind the dorm, especially since the new guys really, really didn’t like J.   By the end of January, I knew I had to GET OUT.  Of course, I was not so good at these things, and deep down in my soul I am a conflict-avoider.  (I have learned to battle this now, but hey, at the time I was 18.)  So, after a week or so of completely avoiding him (and also one of the new guys pulling J aside and telling him to just let go), he broke up with me about a week before VD.  One of the RAs in the building saw us breaking up and asked, “Aw, did you two get back together again?”  Apparently I was that giddy.  So, I was really shocked, when I came home from work on VD and my roommate said, “J stopped by.  He left a present on your desk.”  There, wrapped in printer paper with hearts drawn on it in red pen, was a mix-tape.  When I opened it, I totally cracked up.  On the actual mix-tape cover, amid the song titles, were this little broken hearts that were crying and possibly gnashing their teeth.  And the song choices were totally random, I mean, you would think he would have put some of “our songs” on there.  But there were songs by Weird Al, from the soundtrack of Annie, by Nine Inch Nails, and a handful by Liz Phair (this was the mid-nineties, when she was still all bitter and angsty).  Hello, bitter party of one?  I couldn’t even bring myself to listen to it, because it was SO weird, but I did hang on to it for several years (until I lost it in a move) because just looking at it made me laugh.

So, yeah.  VD=Good times.  🙂

*We don’t call references; we have them fill out an evaluation of the candidate.

**Our birthday parties must always occur on the second Wednesday of the month at either 10am or 2pm. It just happened to coincide with VD. What’s that Milton? Just pass.

***This is a fun fact I learned on NPR on my way to work this morning. Of course, they were saying this is because it’s so hot there and there’s not a lot of electricity for refrigerators and such. WHATEV. I ate plenty of melted candy bars left in the car during the summer as a child. They were still delicious.

****Thank goodness my office has a window. Otherwise, I’d just be sitting here Googling myself, and that seems extremely pathetic for VD.

*****Ok, when I was a little kid, I loved it because we did presents on VD in my family. This was because, when I was two, my grandma died a few days before Christmas and we had to fly to Illinois. My parents couldn’t pack up all the presents in their suitcases, so they saved it for VD. Thinking that a two year old would remember this when she was three (she wouldn’t) it started a tradition that is carried on today. Though it’s more like $20 in a card nowadays. (Hey, I’m not complaining!)

******Because I will be an official judge of the “Great Peanut Butter & Jelly Cook-off” next week, and he is a contestant.  (It was supposed to be this week, but half the office is sick, and there’s been a nasty outbreak of the norovirus at a nearby hospital.  Oooh, yum!)  Yes, I will post about the GPBJC when it happens.  Hopefully, with pictures.

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