On Thursday and Friday of last week, Oprah did two shows on this woman who was a hoarder. Her entire house was filled with crap, piled as high as she could reach. There were paths through the stuff that were only about a foot wide, and there was even stuff on the bed, with only enough room for her and her husband to lay down. It was really bizarre.

When they went in to clean out the house, they found all kinds of crazy mold, food that had rotted into the carpet, and enough stuff to fill a 10,000 square foot warehouse and make it look cluttered (even though their house was less than 1400 square feet).

At the end, Oprah looked meaningfully at the screen and said, “It’s really easy to judge the people you see here, but it could happen to any of us.” And that’s when I realized that I totally judge all the people Oprah has on her show.

I mean, I realize that this lady had serious mental issues, but what about her family? Her husband was just like, “Ok, honey, go out and buy 14 umbrellas and then stash them somewhere in the house.” One of her kids would rather just never visit than try to get her help. I don’t necessarily judge the woman who was hoarding, but I totally judged her family.

A few weeks ago, there was a show with Suze Orman, the financial specialist. This one lady was like, “My kids don’t have health insurance, and they have health problems, and we can’t take them to the doctor. And we haven’t paid our mortgage in months. But I still totally get pedicures every week and drink Starbucks daily.” And I judged her too. I thought she was maybe the most selfish person I’d ever seen in my life.

So, yes, Oprah, I totally judge all the people Oprah has on to talk about their problems. But so do you—and worse, Oprah, you judge your best friend Gail, single parents doing the best they can after a divorce, and transgendered people. So we’re at least even.

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