Junior year in college, James Cameron and his Titanic movie took over the world. I went to see it, liked it ok, and bought the soundtrack. Now, hearing Celine Dion’s voice makes me almost have an aneurysm, but then, I really liked her*.

Of course, this was also the same time that every girl in the world was going psycho over Leo DiCaprio. Not me, though. He was a little too pale and skinny for me. (I’ve never been into emo boys, even pre-emo.) But my roommate that year, who I shall, henceforth, refer to as Best Roomie Ever** (BRE), decided that I should have a crush on Leo. Or at least that it would be HILARIOUS if I had a crush on Leo.

I would come home from class every day to a new Leo photo on the background of my computer or pictures taped to my door or desk or loft or even inside the closet. Once, she even downloaded a Leo screensaver. I didn’t discourage her because she seemed to be having fun with it, and it really was pretty hilarious.

One night, it was a weekend night and we’d been drinking, there were probably 4 or 5 of us crowded around my computer as BRE tried to find new Leo pictures. Then there was a pop-up ad that said, “Hottest Leo Pics! Click here!” So we did.

OH MY GOD, Y’ALL. That click took us to the nastiest porno site I have ever seen (not that I’ve seen a lot). We all screamed in horror and backed away from the screen. BRE was bright red and completely traumatized. (At the time, she was about the most innocent person I knew.) I made one of my more tech-savvy friends go in and delete that site from my history (I didn’t know how to yet. Come on, I’d only had the internet for 2.5 years at that point.) because I absolutely did not want to ever see that site again.

So the lesson, boys and girls, is that skinny, greasy white boys who become overnight idols are excellent bait to get innocent girls to look at horrible, awful porn.


*Now, I highly prefer the New Found Glory and Barenaked Ladies versions of the Titanic song.

**Because she really was! We had similar habits and we were both ridiculously overly polite, which really helped us get along well. Also, she’s the only roomie I’ve ever had that I wasn’t friends with first. I think that made a huge difference.